18 Consimbs 4385: Zee Ruse of La'Quinitria
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delight_in_wtWe disguised Arcsy as Monsieur Le'Bronde, the Critic of La'Quinitria. The rest of us were his retinue. Arcsy -- or rather, Monsieur Le'Bronde -- went to the Will Call window for his tickets which (of course) weren't there (because he didn't have any).
"What is zees outrage?" Monsieur Le'Bronde cried. "How? How can zees be? I haf come all ze way from La'Qiunitria only for zees day!"
"Evening, sir," Studies-Too-Much amended.
"Evening! For zees evening ven I hear at last ze orchestrations of ze renowed Orchestra of Occlu-ze-on! Vere are my tickets, young prime? VERE?" Monsieur Le'Bronde cried to the boy at the Will Call window.
The Cani checked his book again. "I'm so sorry, sir! I don't have anything under Le'Bronde or Bronde or Monsieur! Is there any other name it might be under?"
"Non! Zere can be no ozer! Oh cruel fate! Oh unkind Accanax that has destroyed mine only chance to complete mine opus, Renowned Orchestras of Inner Ketheria. Is zere nothing anyprime can do?" Le'Bronde wailed.
"Master, master, do not deestress yourself zo!" I cried. "For of a zertainty, ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on is no doubt vastly inferior to ze Obses-zee-on Orchestra of Daukhrame, of whoze music you haf already partaken! You may zimply and surely tell all thoz readers and listeners who hang upon your good advize that zey need not vaste zeir time vit ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on. As ve travel homewards ve can just tell everyone on the way that they should see the Obses-zee-on Orchestra."
"Indeed!" Outcast backed me up. "In fact, you must tell zem not to vaste zeir time on Vhezrame at all! It iss a city of catastrozes and vailures, vere even ze simplest uff tasks are ill-done."
"Wait here," the Will Call boy begged us. "I'll get the manager."
While we waited in the lobby, I complained, "Ze Obses-zee-on Orchestra had a far more beautiful lobby zen zis ugly place." (Which they do, actually).
"And their arias! So lovely," Paraffa added. "Their arpeggios! Perfecsíon! Why wait we here, in this place so overrated?"
"Because ve must gif zem ze chance to make ze amends! And you, do not mock me vit zat accent! Ve know full vell you are from Daukhrame," Arcsy snapped at her, because her genuine La'Quinitrian accent was making the rest of us look even worse. Paraffa almost lost it there. She had to cover her mouth with both hands and pretend to cry to disguise her choked laughter.
When the manager came, he fretted and frewed and checked his reservation book three times while Arcsy looked aloof and above it all. The manager apologized profusely, but there was nothing he could do.
Arcsy waved his hands magnanimously. "Ah, iff it eez not meant to be, it eez not meant to be. It vill be a great shame, no doubt, to exclude ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on from my travel guide to Renowned Orchestras of Inner Ketheria, but zo be it."
The manager blanched. "No, no, that can't be the only solution. Look ... ah ... there are certain unoccupied seats left." He cringed, and finished, "... in the Ducal box. We'll seat you there."
It turns out the Duke has a private box at the theater but he doesn't usually go to see the Orchestra of Occlusion and a lot of the time he doesn't give his box to anyone else, either. The manager warned us that we'd have to be moved (and FAST!) if the Duke showed up unexpectedly, but otherwise it was ours for the evening. I skipped out to escort Fressis inside, since it wouldn't do to have our famed critic running his own errands.
We told Fressis that we got the Ducal Box as an apology because they couldn't find our tickets, which wasn't entirely false. Fressis smiled indulgently at Archonandi and settled in to enjoy the performance.
The Ducal box was posh! It's even more posh than the airship I took to Daukhrame. EVERYTHING has enchantments. Little lights come on along the walkway if you stand up to show you the way out, and go out when you sit down. The chairs conform to your body to be more comfortable. The ducal box has its own watercloset! It even has its own preserving cabinet, stocked with wine and little snack trays of candied beetles and dried chissowary fish and kathia-swirled milk pastries and stuff. Which Archonandi didn't let us eat because (a) we were supposed to be his retinue and (b) he felt guilty about tricking the manager into letting us in at all, and didn't want the orchestra to get in trouble over missing snacks. If anyone even noticed.
Just before the intermission, Arcsy had me sneak into the lobby and teleport lozens into their cashbox for the regular tickets we hadn't been able to buy. Since the plan had been 'convince them to sell us empty seats' not 'convince them to give us the Ducal Box'.
Any road, it turns out the Orchestra of Occlusion actually is excellent! I was impressed. Archonandi made sure to tell the manager how much he'd enjoyed it and that he'd be sure to commend them in his travels.
I didn't like them as much as Don't Go in It's a Tarp! But a quartet's not the same as an orchestra so it's not a fair comparison.
Archonandi told me later that when he took Fressis home, she made him describe the whole escapade to her and laughed herself sick. She said, "I always knew I couldn't get the adventurer all the way out of you." Maybe they're a good match after all.
"What is zees outrage?" Monsieur Le'Bronde cried. "How? How can zees be? I haf come all ze way from La'Qiunitria only for zees day!"
"Evening, sir," Studies-Too-Much amended.
"Evening! For zees evening ven I hear at last ze orchestrations of ze renowed Orchestra of Occlu-ze-on! Vere are my tickets, young prime? VERE?" Monsieur Le'Bronde cried to the boy at the Will Call window.
The Cani checked his book again. "I'm so sorry, sir! I don't have anything under Le'Bronde or Bronde or Monsieur! Is there any other name it might be under?"
"Non! Zere can be no ozer! Oh cruel fate! Oh unkind Accanax that has destroyed mine only chance to complete mine opus, Renowned Orchestras of Inner Ketheria. Is zere nothing anyprime can do?" Le'Bronde wailed.
"Master, master, do not deestress yourself zo!" I cried. "For of a zertainty, ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on is no doubt vastly inferior to ze Obses-zee-on Orchestra of Daukhrame, of whoze music you haf already partaken! You may zimply and surely tell all thoz readers and listeners who hang upon your good advize that zey need not vaste zeir time vit ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on. As ve travel homewards ve can just tell everyone on the way that they should see the Obses-zee-on Orchestra."
"Indeed!" Outcast backed me up. "In fact, you must tell zem not to vaste zeir time on Vhezrame at all! It iss a city of catastrozes and vailures, vere even ze simplest uff tasks are ill-done."
"Wait here," the Will Call boy begged us. "I'll get the manager."
While we waited in the lobby, I complained, "Ze Obses-zee-on Orchestra had a far more beautiful lobby zen zis ugly place." (Which they do, actually).
"And their arias! So lovely," Paraffa added. "Their arpeggios! Perfecsíon! Why wait we here, in this place so overrated?"
"Because ve must gif zem ze chance to make ze amends! And you, do not mock me vit zat accent! Ve know full vell you are from Daukhrame," Arcsy snapped at her, because her genuine La'Quinitrian accent was making the rest of us look even worse. Paraffa almost lost it there. She had to cover her mouth with both hands and pretend to cry to disguise her choked laughter.
When the manager came, he fretted and frewed and checked his reservation book three times while Arcsy looked aloof and above it all. The manager apologized profusely, but there was nothing he could do.
Arcsy waved his hands magnanimously. "Ah, iff it eez not meant to be, it eez not meant to be. It vill be a great shame, no doubt, to exclude ze Orchestra of Occlu-zee-on from my travel guide to Renowned Orchestras of Inner Ketheria, but zo be it."
The manager blanched. "No, no, that can't be the only solution. Look ... ah ... there are certain unoccupied seats left." He cringed, and finished, "... in the Ducal box. We'll seat you there."
It turns out the Duke has a private box at the theater but he doesn't usually go to see the Orchestra of Occlusion and a lot of the time he doesn't give his box to anyone else, either. The manager warned us that we'd have to be moved (and FAST!) if the Duke showed up unexpectedly, but otherwise it was ours for the evening. I skipped out to escort Fressis inside, since it wouldn't do to have our famed critic running his own errands.
We told Fressis that we got the Ducal Box as an apology because they couldn't find our tickets, which wasn't entirely false. Fressis smiled indulgently at Archonandi and settled in to enjoy the performance.
The Ducal box was posh! It's even more posh than the airship I took to Daukhrame. EVERYTHING has enchantments. Little lights come on along the walkway if you stand up to show you the way out, and go out when you sit down. The chairs conform to your body to be more comfortable. The ducal box has its own watercloset! It even has its own preserving cabinet, stocked with wine and little snack trays of candied beetles and dried chissowary fish and kathia-swirled milk pastries and stuff. Which Archonandi didn't let us eat because (a) we were supposed to be his retinue and (b) he felt guilty about tricking the manager into letting us in at all, and didn't want the orchestra to get in trouble over missing snacks. If anyone even noticed.
Just before the intermission, Arcsy had me sneak into the lobby and teleport lozens into their cashbox for the regular tickets we hadn't been able to buy. Since the plan had been 'convince them to sell us empty seats' not 'convince them to give us the Ducal Box'.
Any road, it turns out the Orchestra of Occlusion actually is excellent! I was impressed. Archonandi made sure to tell the manager how much he'd enjoyed it and that he'd be sure to commend them in his travels.
I didn't like them as much as Don't Go in It's a Tarp! But a quartet's not the same as an orchestra so it's not a fair comparison.
Archonandi told me later that when he took Fressis home, she made him describe the whole escapade to her and laughed herself sick. She said, "I always knew I couldn't get the adventurer all the way out of you." Maybe they're a good match after all.
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no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 06:22 pm (UTC)Brilliant! A worthy ploy, fit to be entered into the Adventurers' Guild hall of most extravagant exploits and cunning cons!
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 06:26 pm (UTC)...
... since I did that chair-conforming enchantment, I think it was.
I've certainly never managed to see an opera from there!
no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-02 10:33 pm (UTC)But also, is it Illegal or committing Fraud? Is it something you all could be harshly punished for? Might the city want to seize your journal as evidence, if they find out you confess to this in here?