14 Consimbs 4385: Relationship Status: It's Not That Complicated

[delight-in.livejournal.com]

Hiiii Boomsy-kaboomsy-make-me-a-loomsy! I'm really glad your hearing went well and not just because it means I'll get the lozens I lent you back! Well lent Pinsitter after she lent you you know what I mean.

Any road 50 lozens is a nice windfall for you! What are you going to do with it?

We had the annual No Surprise Party five days ago and I just realized I completely forgot to tell you about it. It was wonderful! Everyone was there! All my local sisters and brothers (except Void-Dancer, unfortunately) and uncles and aunts and nieces and nephews and cousins and friends of all of the above plus lots of ones that weren't local like Dadsy's parents and Dad-Dad's grandparents on his father's side. The best part was seeing all the people from out of Vheshrame who'd come just for the No Surprise party. That's why it was so late this year: Dadsy wanted to give everyone more time to travel into the city after Surprise was over.

It was also the worst part in a way, because the first thing EVERYONE wanted to catch up on was relationship status. Who's gotten married, divorced, had kids, adopted kids, gave up kids for adoption, added spouses to their family, etc., etc. And I wanted to know all that stuff too! But then eventually everyone's looking at me and asking who I'm dating.

The Conversation, Version One

Vingi (my brother Branspash's mother-in-law): "And who's your sweetie now, Joy-of-Sunout?"
ME: "I'm Delight-in-No-More Surprises now, and I don't have one."
Vingi: "Right, of course not! Who are they, then?"
ME: "I don't have any,"
Vingi: "I'm so sorry! I hope the break up wasn't bad."
ME: "... what break up?"
Vingi: "With your sweeties."
ME: "I didn't break up with anyone."
Vingi: "So you're still seeing them, then?"
ME: "No, I've never had a sweetie."
Vingi: "Reeeeeally? Do you know my friend Splashall? She's single too."
ME: "... can we talk about something else now?"
Vingi: "Sure! Perhaps you'd like to meet Ripple? He's also single, and such a cutie! Just about your age ...."
ME: "That's nice oh look my drink I need to go get another one."
Vingi: "... but your glass is full."
ME: "Just the time to get a new backup drink byeeee!"

The Conversation, Version Two

Bubbles (my sister Waterfall's brother-in-law): "So who are you seeing lately, Dee?"
ME: "I just came back from a nice trip visiting Boomstarter and I saw Void-Dancer a couple of days ago and I'm thinking about going to see Mirhandrax and Trust because I haven't seen much of them since we got back from our last adventure."
Bubbles : "No, no, I meant 'who are you dating'?"
ME: "I'm not."
Bubbles: "Really? A pretty, outgoing, friendly Orren like you? Whyever not?"
ME: "I don't know?"
Bubbles : "Surely someone must be interested! Is there a special someone you have your eye on?"
ME: "No?"
Bubbles: "Oh, come on! You know everyone, Dee. There must be somebody ... are you worried because you don't think you'll fit in with their existing family?"
ME: "No."
Bubbles: "Then why? Don't tell me you've found someone you're actually shy around?"
ME: "No I haven't found anyone. I'm not looking for a relationship."
Bubbles: "Oh, had a rough time with your last one, did you?"
ME: "No."
Bubbles: "Just petered out, did it?"
Me: "No, it didn't exist."
Bubbles: "What, you had a crush and never even approached them?"
ME: "... can we talk about something else now?"
Bubbles: (talks about something else for one minutes and thirteen seconds before): "So who was this crush on? You shouldn't let yourself get discouraged too easily, Delight?"
Me: "... kind of like you and this topic?"
Bubbles: "Exactly!"

The Conversation, Version Three

Eelflutter (Dadsy's mom): "How's things with you and Glorious Blue these days, Delight?"
ME: "She's Glorious Cool now and fine we got a new place last year with a front room although it's a bit more expensive."
Eelflutter : "Ah, getting some space to expand your family?"
ME: "... No? We're just roommates. We're not in a relationship."
Eelflutter : "You're not? Really?"
ME: "Really."
Eelflutter : "What's the matter? Her family wouldn't approve?"
ME: "... umm we're not romantically attracted to each other at all?"
Eelflutter : "Why not?"
ME: "I don't know? Just not."
Eelflutter : "Are you sure?"
ME: "I think so?"
Eelflutter : "Maybe you should give it a try."
ME: "Thanks! I don't think I will though."

The Conversation, Version Four

Behind-the-Falls (cousin on Dad-Dad's side): "So I hear you're telling everyone you're single, Dee?"
ME: "Yep! I am."
Behind-the-Falls: (in an undertone) "You know, in modern Vheshrame, especially given your family history, I really don't think you have anything to be ashamed of."
ME: "Me neither!"
Behind-the-Falls: "I'm glad you feel that way! Personally, I think Boomstarter's a splendid fellow."
ME: "Me too he's like my best friend I made an enchanted scroll so we could write to each other all the time! I just came back from visiting him in Daukhrame and we had LOTS of fun."
Behind-the-Falls: "How lovely! You two make such a cute couple."
ME: "... couple?"
Behind-the-Falls: "You see, don't you think it would save time if you just told everyone you and Boomstarter are involved? Keep them from fixing you up with stray friends?"
ME: "... it would? Except that Boomsy and I aren't dating and I try not to lie to my friends and relations?"
Behind-the-Falls: "Oh, come on, Dee. It's a little obvious, don't you think?"
ME: "No? I'm not traff and Boomsy's not traff and also he's practically my BROTHER EWW."
Behind-the-Falls: "Your parents would understand, is all I'm saying."
ME: "I don't think I understand."
Behind-the-Falls: "You just have to accept who you are."
ME: "... I don't mind traff people at all and I'm sure if I were traff and seeing someone I would tell everybody because I am just not that good with secrets. But I am not so I'm not so I can't."
Behind-the-Falls: (sigh of long-suffering)

The Conversation, Version Five

Rankscraffle (family friend): "Hey baby! Heard ya broke up ... with Boomstarter."
ME: "Noooo I was never dating Boomstarter at all."
Rankscraffle: "Ohhhh. But ya do like Khtsoyis, don't ya?"
ME: "Sure doesn't everyone -- wait. You're talking about sex, aren't you."
Rankscraffle: (waggles tentacles suggestively) "'Course, moll-doll. Everyone likes the ol' rope-a-dope under the earth 'n dirt, eh?"
ME: "I don't know what that meant but I'm going to have to go with 'no'."
Rankscraffle: "Aww, c'mon, Dee. All that time ya spent with yer shoggy-coz didn't whet the ol' curiosity? Mebbe wet the kina-finer too?"
ME: "Still going with 'no'."
Rankscraffle: "Awww, don't tell me some Orren-boy scared ya cis?"
ME: "Nooooo I'm just not traff."
Rankscraffle: "How'd'ya know? You ever tried a little spent-pent with a foggy-bog?"
ME: "... no?"
Rankscraffle: (waggles tentacle tips again.) "Tellin' ya, 'til ya've tried seven ya don't know Heaven."
ME: "Can we talk about something else now?"
Rankscraffle: "Sure. How was Daukhrame, anyway? See Whackasmack while ya were there?"
ME: (talks about Daukhrame and other stuff for a while.)

The Conversation, Version Six

Youngwave (Dadsy's grandfather): "So who have you been romancing since I last saw you three years ago?"
ME: "Oh, no one."
Youngwave: "You can tell us!"
ME: "I know! I just did."
Youngwave: "Ohhh you're dating an Orren named No One?"
ME: "Noooo. I'm not dating anyone."
Bubbles: "Whew, that's a relief. I dated her last year and ... trust me, you want to steer clear."
ME: "What?"
Bubbles: "No, Anyone. What's very nice -- do you know him?"
Youngwave: "So how's things going with No One?"
Bubbles: "If you're not satisfied with No One, you should think about asking What out."
ME: "Oops I seem to have accidentally triggered my bound Hiding in Nowhere." (disappears to a pocket universe for several minutes)

*

All right I didn't actually spend the whole party drifting from one group to the next and getting interrogated about my lack-of-love-life. It didn't even really seem like I did at the time. There was an AWFUL LOT of this sort of thing, though.